Welcome to the Premier League. Now play United!

YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE WAIT IS OVER! I say this with even greater gusto than when President Obama broke the stranglehold Republicans had on our country. What that says about me? Could I turn to the purity and simplistic drama of a football match to cope with the shitstorm that is American politics since Bill "Give Me My Asians" Clinton last sat in the room with curiously no corners?? Or is it because drinking while watching a football match beats the hell out of Fox, CNN and other talking head stations (that indirectly make me drink)?

All I know is that the painful 2 and a half months sans League football is OVER! And the 2009-2010 season will be truly epic, no doubt full of twists and turns for fans across the globe. Unless you're a Burnley fan, in which case there are no twists or turns, just straight down, back to the lower league! Prove me wrong.

As of the mighty Red Devils, yet again the team to beat this season, we are opening the season against the newly-promoted Birmingham City. No doubt there'll be loads of interviews with the Brummie's manager along the lines of "Oh yes, what a GREAT challenge, we can't wait to face Manchester UNITED! Best way to get the boys ready for the long slog ahead..." which is funny, cos in the dressing room it sounds more like "SHIT! Well, we can already chalk up one loss."

My prediction: 3-1 to United- our defense showed some lack of total cohesion in pre-season, but we'll almost always score more than the opponent. City goal to come once they're 2-0 down and our back line drifts off a bit.....

Let's see if I'm right....it's on tomorrow!

UNITED!!! UNITED!!!

-J

But not the British Children...

-J

Never

seen this at a UGA/Florida game!?



We have some fanatic catching up to do....

-J

FOUR DAYS TO GO

UNTIL THE 2009-2010 ENGLISH PREMIER LEAGUE KICKS OFF!

After one of the most ridiculous yet somehow boring transfer windows/off season, i can hardly wait for the action to start!

Of course, Cristiano Ronaldo finally moved to Real Madrid (boo!) for a whopping 80 million pounds!
Carlos Tevez left MUFC for cross-town rivals Manchester City, with all the grace and aplomb of a bull in a china shop.
City, who also bought Arsenal's Adebayor and Kolo Toure, along with Aston Villa and England midfielder Gareth Barry and Blackburn's Roque Santa Cruz, seem to have no hesitation in splashing out their newly-acquired Middle Eastern oil money, the bastards.

Arsenal seem to be falling before the season, having sold two big names to City and only bringing in one defender, an untried Dane. Wenger's tight budget and reliance on youth could be their undoing, though a certain MUFC youthful team of 1999 shows there are always exceptions to the rules.

Chelsea's biggest coup of the off season seems to have been recruiting AC Milan's Carlo Ancelotti to be the new manager. As a Manchester United fan, this seems to be my biggest worry; he has been a proven winner for some time now with the Italian giants, beating United on occasion in European fixtures.

New boys Burnley, Wigan and Birmingham have everything to prove, and with Newcastle United finally being relegated last season, some other established EPL teams may find themselves flirting with the bottom of the table, along with the newly promoted sides.

I wouldn't be surprised if Birmingham stayed up, they've been in and out of the EPL in the past few years, and have an astute manager in Alex McLeish. It's always interesting to see him come up against Sir Alex Ferguson, what with their (somewhat) friendly history and past Rangers/United European battles.

My money's on Rooney to come up big this year, leading United on after the high-profile exit of Ronaldo. The signing of Michael Owen will unfold a truly entertaining story, hopefully one laden with goalscoring feats. Let's see if Liverpool can contend with Chelsea and push for the title...though losing Alonso to Madrid is good news for United fans, and could prove to be bad business for the Reds.

My predictions for top 3:
1-Machester United
2- Chelsea
3- Liverpool

With Manchester City fighting Arsenal and Aston Villa in the 4-6 spots.
Out of the three new teams this season, I can only see Birmingham having the slimmest of chances of staying up, with perhaps Hull, Wolverhampton and Brunley taking their places in the drop. Burnley, ya'll were FIFTH in the Championship last year and only the brilliantly entertaining concept of the EPL playoffs saw you get in by the skin of your teeth. Prove me wrong by not being the worst team in the league. Hey, you can't be as bad as Derby County!

The only thing for certain is that this season will be epic. Thank God there's only 3 months of the off-season to endure! I barely survived on rations of YouTube goal compliations and football humor!

UNITED! UNITED!

-J

I Hope The Movie's Better Than It Looks...

Trailer for Tucker Max's long-awaited "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell".
The book is a wildly hilarious collection of his law-school debauchery; one of the most entertaining books I've ever read in my life.

I'm not too sure how well the book's been adapted, but the good news is that the author is the producer and is deeply involved....so it's gonna be a must-see for me.

-J