Letters from the Back of the Line Part 2

More word from Rambo:

"Dear JG and Porn:

Guys, this shit can only be described as a mind fuck. The drill sergeants control every aspect of our lives, at least for the next 3 weeks. They put shit in our food that prevents us from getting boners and turns our poop green. And I have 30 seconds every night to take a shower. Basically, life sucks during red phase. Upside is everyone is really cool and we get lots of exercise. But don't worry about me. I just have to do the time. Enclosed is a sample envelop for you to copy when you write me. It would be good to hear from you guys. Let me know what you've been up to and how things are at home.

Best Regards,
SPC Rambo
US ARMY"

So, after I write a good, and above all, normal letter to Rambo, our mutual friend decides that Rambo would love nothing more than a letter that goes a little something like this:

"My Dear Rambo,

I am missing you velly hard en much. I has your picture in my pocket all times and pray to Allah for you quick returns and many joy. I has got e new dress lest wick to put on whin you getted back to mi for a short whilst.

Lookee, I knowed you has truble wif my bed Englis. I is tried, I mean tired, uf et as well too et thes time. I rilly miss you. I go to car of yours at place you once live [this would be me and Porn's house] and some rilly rilly white guy [Porn] and what appear him lover with beard [this would be me] wus kissing in thes back seat and rubbing wildly. Does you know this peeples? They have keys and play wrap music thet say "All I want to do is rub my zoom zoom in your boom boom". I only thank you give them keys.

I no can take if they are wif you as too. My brother once kiss man and get stoned by local militia. I no can take you kiss man or get stone. Not in head, it hurt! I too get stone when look at cousin pee-pee, but I was little and they only throw little rock. You have big sweaty muscle and get big sweaty rockers.

I send picture for you to lick at whin yu furget what true love be on a page with color. You have my heart and I pray fir your return, so I can show you dress and clear up white boy/beard boy issues. Please no be crooked, be straight. You no get lot of virgins if you crooked.

With many heart,
Maquilla Mosamma, le hot momma, hee-hee."

Good Lord, I wish you could see the picture he sent. Two parts Robin Williams, one part female Mooslim!

I'm calling push-ups. Yeah, and lots of yelling at Rambo...

-J