Key ominous music.
By the way, I staunchly support a neo-WWI labeling of cars: instead of confirmed kills, you put a stamp on the side for every dumbass wreck you've been in. This would mean that some....many cars would resemble a Luis Vuitton bag, but with marks of dumbassedness, instead of those apparently rare, costly LVs. As of today, it looks like they're using dents and scratches.
In about two months at my new job, I have seen five wrecks. These, of course, are only around 8am (after I sacrifice my firstborn to God in order that He may let me make it to work alive) and 5.3opm (after a day at a law firm, in which case I'm resigned to a very gory, albeit deserved MVA death).
By the way, I staunchly support a neo-WWI labeling of cars: instead of confirmed kills, you put a stamp on the side for every dumbass wreck you've been in. This would mean that some....many cars would resemble a Luis Vuitton bag, but with marks of dumbassedness, instead of those apparently rare, costly LVs. As of today, it looks like they're using dents and scratches.
In about two months at my new job, I have seen five wrecks. These, of course, are only around 8am (after I sacrifice my firstborn to God in order that He may let me make it to work alive) and 5.3opm (after a day at a law firm, in which case I'm resigned to a very gory, albeit deserved MVA death).
That's not your classic Motor Vehicle Accident, it's what I refer to as a "Motherfuckin' Vehicle Attack", and they are everywhere.
Anyone who has had the unique pleasure of accompanying me on a drive knows that I reserve my purest, unadulterated hatred for my fellow motorists. While I know this will never change, I've now accrued a supplement: genuine paranoia.
Today I signed up a client. Let's call said client Mr. X.
Mr. X had a car land ON his car. ON
Where you would think it would have been a head-on collision, the high rate of acceleration, coupled with the Lord's strategically placed concrete median (cos we all need a laugh, or in His case: Laugh) ensured that the car went airborne.
Now I have a new worry. Along with the Pembroke, two-tone hair hoes putting on their makeup at 60 mph; the SCAD 18-year-olds with their '80s sunglasses falling down their noses as their neon Scion changes lanes; and (for lack of a better term) ghetto drivers who speed like they're in a high speed chase out of habit, I now have to worry about the dreaded combo of cars and gravity.
Anyone who has had the unique pleasure of accompanying me on a drive knows that I reserve my purest, unadulterated hatred for my fellow motorists. While I know this will never change, I've now accrued a supplement: genuine paranoia.
Today I signed up a client. Let's call said client Mr. X.
Mr. X had a car land ON his car. ON
Where you would think it would have been a head-on collision, the high rate of acceleration, coupled with the Lord's strategically placed concrete median (cos we all need a laugh, or in His case: Laugh) ensured that the car went airborne.
Now I have a new worry. Along with the Pembroke, two-tone hair hoes putting on their makeup at 60 mph; the SCAD 18-year-olds with their '80s sunglasses falling down their noses as their neon Scion changes lanes; and (for lack of a better term) ghetto drivers who speed like they're in a high speed chase out of habit, I now have to worry about the dreaded combo of cars and gravity.
Newton had no fucking idea.
to quote an attorney, "WATCH OUT FOR FLYING CARS!"
-J
to quote an attorney, "WATCH OUT FOR FLYING CARS!"
-J
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